I tried so hard for years to get to a point in life where I honestly and truly love me for me, and don’t think any less of myself because of my body fat percentage. And I’d like to think that I’m there, most days.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have bouts of insecurity every now and then. There are still things that trigger me. Maybe not as much as before, but they’re not non-existent. I just choose not to act on them.
My triggers can be anything, from things I see on the internet, to an ad on TV, to things people say to me.. and while I don’t want people to sugar-coat anything for me and I prefer people to be honest, every once and a while a comment made in my direction will spark that thought process in me, and I’ll be tempted to take an unhealthy route to get to where I want to be.
This can be tough, and during these times I can get pretty upset, or frustrated, or glum. But I try to turn into my own personal therapist and ask myself a few questions:
Why do I feel this way?
Why am I doing this?
Who am I doing this for?
Who am I really disappointing if I end up “letting myself go” a little?
Would I really want to go back to an old lifestyle that left me miserable and sick?
In the end, the answers are the same. I’m just letting my insecurity get the best of me. I am doing this because I want to be the healthiest and fittest me I can be, and I am doing it for me. I am healthy, happy and fit. The only person I am letting down is myself if I slip up, and I can always get right back into it… and I will only let myself down even more if I go back to old habits. And I definitely don’t want to do that because I remember how I felt, and I never want to feel that way again.
There are no shortcuts. And sometimes it will seem like results are taking much longer than I thought they would, but it takes time. I’m not going to turn into Jamie Eason overnight, or maybe at all. The point is that I’m working hard, and I’m dedicated, and it’s okay if I don’t turn into Wonder Woman. There is always room for improvement, but if I don’t see any then it’s not the end of the world. As long as I am healthy and active and happy, I will be just fine.