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I confess I haven’t been very good at keeping up with this blog. I haven’t really blogged much in the past so I tend to forget to update very easily.
But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten my goals 🙂
I’ll admit, the holidays weren’t the best as far as eating goes, but one thing that was different this year than the years before was my attitude about it. For the past years around holiday season I ate badly, and in my mind it was the end of the world. I felt like a failure and that I would gain twenty pounds from the food I ate, and I just had to get rid of it, or restrict the next couple of days. This past holiday season, I threw that mentality away, and just let it be. There were a couple times when I felt fat and uncomfortable, but it was not the end of the world for me this time. Instead, I thought, it’s alright–it’s the holidays and I’m allowed to slip up a little now and then, I don’t have to be perfect, and I’m not going to gain twenty pounds just by eating a few bad meals. I may gain a little, but this time I don’t feel like it will be the end of the world, and I can lose it again, the right way.
In reminiscing about 2012, it started out as a rough year, and I relapsed into my eating disorder bad. But I turned it around and started actually caring about my health for the first time. I began my running journey, and while I wasn’t able to complete my first marathon due to different injuries I acquired from running in the wrong shoes, among other things, I still transformed myself from a runner-hater into someone who enjoys running and can run 3-5 miles at once. I ran my first 5K without stopping and with a decent time. I participated in two 5K mud-runs. I quit smoking. I started monitoring my calorie intake and making healthier choices, and started working out more. And I feel great! I am more energized and not always tired, I don’t get lightheaded, and I haven’t been sick in a long time (and I am usually sick throughout the whole winter season). I feel so much better than I have in years, and have found true happiness. I truly am fit, happy and free!
That being said, I do have some goals for 2013. This will be my year of health. I intend to keep up with running, and don’t want to get to where I can’t do a mile again. I want to keep up with monitoring my food intake. Unless I am sick, I don’t want to go 48 hours without at least some form of exercise.
Most importantly, I will make this year the first year in around ten years that I will NOT exercise any eating disordered behavior. No more binge-adventures. No more purging. No more insanely strict crash diets. No more extreme calorie limiting. No more restricting as punishment. No more using caffeine instead of real sustenance as a meal. No more compulsive overexercising.
I am not about to throw this happiness and confidence away. It took several years to get here, but I have no intentions of going back to where I was. I’m not perfect, but I don’t have to be, and I’m happy with myself the way I am.
So here’s to a healthy 2013!
